Having survived her own break-up, Sara Davison is the divorce coach, helping others to move forward positively and confidently to the next stage of their life. Here she shares her insights with The Best You
Did you know that divorce is often referred to as the second most traumatic life experience after death of a loved one? It can hit you hard and leave even the strongest people reeling and unable to cope.
I realised this first-hand when I went through my own divorce and that is why I created my divorce coaching programme. I have developed techniques and strategies to help you navigate both the emotional rollercoaster and also the practical situations you will face. It’s a tool kit of information to help you cope better with your break-up and is everything I wish I had access to during my divorce.
The interesting thing is that understandably many people go into divorce with a very dim outlook for the rest of their life. It may be because they can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel or it may be because they know others who have been through the same thing and never found happiness again.
I see many clients in my clinic who feel overwhelmed and stuck as they just can’t see a bright future for themselves anymore. This is normal as your whole life has been thrown up into the air and fundamental changes with lifetime repercussions are happening.
However it is possible to change your perception of divorce and start to view it in a more positive light and notice the opportunities it brings with it.
“You see the truth is that it can be one of the best life experiences to ever happen to you. Divorce gives you a golden opportunity if you chose to take it.
It gives you the chance to redesign your life exactly the way you want it. The choice is up to you.
You have to decide that you are ready to feel better and that you want to make changes and take some action.”
We have all gathered a wealth of life experiences that we have learnt from and which bring us to where we are today. So we all have the power within us to navigate our break-up successfully. The trick is to know how to unlock this power. I have created four keys to help you survive and thrive after your break-up:
1. Take responsibility –
this is where you stop blaming your ex for your situation and take full responsibility and ownership for where you are right now in life. This puts you back in the driving seat of your own life.
2. Get clarity – because clarity gives you power. At a time when everything is up in the air and lots of things are changing it’s important to get clear on what your options are. This will give you the power to make decisions that can help you to move forward.
3. Take back your control. The truth is that we control how we feel and how we react. It’s important not to live life in reaction to what other people do. We own the remote control to our own mind and need to use it.
4. Focus on moving forward positively – you can’t move forward with your life if you are constantly focused on the past, your break-up story and your ex. By creating a compelling future that you are excited to live you will start to shift the balance in your mind to enable you to move forward more easily.
During a break-up there is so much going on that it’s important not to add to your overwhelm. The trick is to come up with small steps that you can take to keep you from getting stuck. Break everything you need to do down into tiny steps and take one day at a time.
It can be a journey to get back in touch with your identity as an individual after being in a long-term relationship.
By focusing on you and what you value in life you can start to rediscover what makes you tick again. It’s also important to schedule in some fun so you avoid the negative emotions becoming all-consuming.
One technique to help with this is to write a list of things that you enjoy doing. These can be small things like meeting a friend for coffee, taking a Zumba class or visiting a museum. Once you have a list of things you would be excited to do then book them into your diary as they will help to keep your mind strong.
The idea of divorce coaching is to help you navigate this tricky time in your life and get you back on track as fast as possible.
I’m a big believer that it is not what happens to you in life that defines you, it’s what you do about it that matters. Sometimes good things fall apart in life so that better things can come together. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and divorce coaching will show you how to move on to create a life you are excited to live.
Sara Davison offers one-to-one coaching in her Ascot clinic or London base, plus telephone and Skype sessions. She runs two-day Break-Up Recovery Retreats, the next one is 21-22 May in West Sussex. These workshops are designed to empower you with skills to cope with the challenges you are facing. She also has an app called ‘7 Steps to a Better Break-Up.’
For more information visit saradavison.com