Mel Carnegie often ponders the idea of wealth. It brings to her mind the saying her mother used to repeat to her when she was a child: “I want doesn’t get!” This phrase, once understood, provides a wisdom that offers freedom and growth.
The links between language (thoughts we have) and results (experiences that follow) have fascinated me for years and I’ve realised that even everyday words and sayings can unintentionally hold us back.
When people wish to improve something about their life, the statement tends to be “I want…” followed by whatever the desire may be. Numerous times I’ve cried out in despair “All I want is to be happy!” I realise now that this is precisely where I started to go wrong.
We are regularly advised to focus on our wants and then make plans to achieve them. It may sound logical, but I’ve realised that this approach is entirely the incorrect way to go about things. Far from bringing the goal in to reality (even with a very real desire) the statement of ‘wanting’ only increases our experience of not having.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong in having goals – far from it. I’m saying that the way we go about goal-setting is flawed from the start. I’ve learned the more we get clear on what it is we want, the more we create the experience of not having. When we believe we don’t have, we feel inadequate, because we’re giving our fulfilment to something that is external. Confirming that until we achieve whatever the ‘wants’ may be, we’re simply not enough.
Many years of frustration led me to this understanding. When it finally clicked, I felt a huge sense of relief – a feeling of freedom as the weight lifted from my shoulders. Because I’ve found that just a simple shift in the words we use has a profound impact on our immediate internal response, which influences our ability to bring things in to reality.
I learned that rather than stating what it is we ‘want’ to happen (which keeps it distant) it’s much better to bring the desire into reality. It’s about deliberately finding a link between now and the future. It’s about already experiencing what it is we think we’d like to be, do or have before it happens. Very motivational for creating solutions.
The key is in replacing “want” with “choose”… a word that is both neutral and supportive. For example “I want to feel happy” (which feels unattainable) becomes “I choose to feel happy” (sparking the possibility it’s achievable).
“Choose” goals allow us to experience the possibility – and decide whether the goal is indeed important or just habitual mind-chatter. “I want” doesn’t get. Whereas “I choose” opens a heap of possibilities. Now that’s what I call real wealth.