As part of her discussion of Presentation Skills, and using your NLP abilities to affect how others react to you, Michele Paradise explores How To Be Confident.
Confidence…now there’s a word. But what is it? Everyone, yes I do mean everyone, I speak to would like a bit more confidence in some area of their lives. You know the people I mean, they are captains of industry but don’t feel confident buying their wife’s birthday present even though they’ve been married for 20 years. Or the woman who successfully runs a team of 150 people and is at the top her game in the office, but doesn’t have a clue what to say to a man she fancies.
For years I’ve worked in a business where you really have to look confident, no matter what you’re feeling. The fashion business. In fact, I believe the fashion pack coined the expression ‘Fake it till you make it’. It’s quite a bizarre business. Take a young woman, sometimes as young as 14 years old. Dress her in clothes that cost more than her parents earn in 6 months, pamper her with hair and make up, put her in 6 inch high heels, send her down the catwalk expecting her to project confidence, in front of several hundred people. Then I get a frantic phone call from the agency representing the model asking for my help. When I ask what the problem is, they say she can’t walk very well on the catwalk, she looks frightened and although she’s beautiful and everyone wants to book her, she just can’t pull it off. Well, could you?
None of us were born feeling confident, knowing how to walk in high heels pretending to be someone we’re not. But I have a strategy that I’ve used many times with models and actors to get them the best possible outcome. They don’t have time to practice as much as is needed to get them to the level of a supermodel but they can practice in other ways and if they don’t survive the casting, they won’t get the job anyway. This goes for any job, not just modelling. You can own the room or at least a small part of it for a short period of time and that’s all you need.
…As we know in NLP, you need to go there first…
So, I’m going to unpack my casting methods so that you can see exactly how to do it and I’m sure you will pick up some techniques that you can use for yourself or your clients to be more successful in getting more clients, networking or just feeling really good when you walk into a new situation.
As we know in NLP, you need to go there first. If you want your client to be in a resourceful state, you need to go into the resourceful state first or an excited state or even a state of ecstasy. I love going there first, it’s one of the best perks of the job. Especially when it comes to hypnosis! So no matter what the situation is…a casting, a job interview a networking opportunity…go there first. Simple but so powerful. I see so many people enter a situation hunched over, having a deep and meaningful conversation with their internal self, and not aware of what they are projecting to the people they meet. Stop it! If you saw a person walk into a room like that, would you be inclined to listen to what they have to say? I wouldn’t. Before entering any situation, prepare yourself. You wouldn’t arrive at a party without clothes on, would you? So put on your ‘comfortable skin’ before you put your clothes on and you will be totally prepared for anything.
Now I’m going to share with you the steps I use for training models how to get the desired outcome they want at a casting and I know that these steps will resonate with you in your life although you aren’t a model.
Before you even get to the casting, start preparing. Learn as much as you can about the client, the job, what is expected from you, what style they are looking for and most importantly, start visualising how well the casting is going to go. I particularly like using the spinning technique at this point. I get the model to identify where their anxiety is and at what level and reverse it using colour to get an even more powerful outcome. Most people who don’t know anything about NLP or claim to have trouble making pictures, find this very quick and effective to calm them down. At this time, I also get them to fire off some good anchors of times when they were relaxed, successful and in control of their thoughts. I use the analogy of a beam of light similar to the one in Star Trek. When I refer to Star Trek I usually get a wry smile from them, which is a good state breaker if they are feeling particularly stressed. I get them to imagine that someone they greatly admire is in the beam, so when they take that step forward, they take on the ‘skin’ and persona of that person. I immediately see their posture, skin tone and internal voice change and then I know we’re good to go.
Posture…one of my passions!
When you get to the venue, walk in slowly noticing as much as you can. Whenever we enter a new situation, there are usually visual and auditory stimuli in the environment. Notice them. Look at the artwork, signs, people and any other visual or auditory ….