With any relationship break up there is heartache and pain. Some splits are more manageable than others and some people cope better than others but even then there will be dark times. Sara Davison lets us know how to get past the pain.
Getting divorced can mean a lot of change in your while dealing with a rollercoaster of emotions. Whether it was your decision or not, it can rock the strongest of people. If you got divorced in 2013 you will be learning to cope with some of these life changes and challenges, such as:
- Being single for the first time in years
- Losing friends who take sides
- Becoming a single parent
- Moving out of your home
- Working through piles of paperwork for your lawyer
- Spending more than you expected on legal fees
- Emotional overwhelm
- Anxiety about your future
All this is part of your Divorce Journey and can be unsettling and take time to adjust. Christmas can amplify these feelings, as it is traditionally a time for families. But don’t worry; the good news is there is a light at the end of the tunnel and there are many of us to prove it.
Divorce doesn’t have to be the end of your happiness; it can be just the beginning. You now have the opportunity to redesign your life just the way you want it. So as the New Year approaches, this is the perfect time to start planning for your future so that next year will be happier and more positive for you. I’m a big believer that it’s not what happens to you in life, it’s what you do about it that counts.
So here are my 5 steps for a fresh start in 2014:
Decide to take control back of your life: Be a role model for your friends and family around you. Don’t live life in the past as that’s gone now and you cannot change it. Nobody likes a moaner so drop your break up story and leave that bitterness behind you. You have the opportunity now to redefine yourself and create a fabulous future so decide to grab it with both hands.
Face your emotions: Identify any negative emotions you are feeling and let them flow. Facing them head on diminishes the fear and increases your ability to deal with them. Have you ever been scared to go on a fast ride at a theme park? Then as soon as you have mustered the courage to actually do it you realised that it wasn’t as bad as you feared? Well facing your emotions and fears head on works just like that. Once you have acknowledged them you will find it easier to move forward and not be held back by them.
Get your ideas flowing: Imagine that you could achieve anything you wanted in the next 12 months. What would you choose? A large circle of new friends, a new career, a loving relationship, learning a new hobby, or travelling more? Make a list of everything you would like to have in your life over the next year. Pick your favourites and commit to taking one small step towards your new goals every day. You will be surprised at how much you can achieve this way in a short space of time.
Create your Support Team: It always helps to have encouragement to keep you on the right track with your fresh start. Make sure you choose positive upbeat people who you are happy to share your goals and dreams with for 2014. They can be friends, family, mentors, a coach or work colleague. Give them full permission to kick your butt if you get off course and to reward you when you do well.
Have some fun: List your top 20 fun things to do and schedule at least two in your diary every week. Laughter and good times will help you move forward faster. It may be on to your list to start dating again or a have coffee with a friend, take an exercise class or even read a good book. Take time out for you and to enjoy your new life.
Once you start to focus on a fresh start for 2014 you will notice that things start to move in a better direction. It may be little signs at first that you are on the right path, so look out for them carefully. It might be a surprise phone call from someone that you haven’t heard from in a long time or even a chance to do something that you have never done before. Keep your eyes open for these signs however little they may be. They are positive reminders that you are back in control of your life and 2014 is yours for the taking.