Thomas Gagliano talks about the holidays and the unneeded stress we put upon ourselves when we go back to our family of origin. We play roles in our adult life that were created by the messages we received in childhood. What inner voice is commanding us to play these roles and why do we listen?
1) Don’t be a people pleaser.
Do you say yes to family and friends because saying no is too painful? Sometimes it is really difficult to say no, especially to friends and family. You could find yourself spending more on gifts than you can afford, or preparing four different types of potatoes to satisfy everyone’s different tastes at Christmas lunch. Learn why it’s so difficult for so many people to say no. In my book I discuss the ways to silence the inner voice that is responsible for this.
2) Don’t be an over-carer.
Do you carry the burden of the family’s problems on your shoulders because it’s your role to take care of everything and everyone? Some of us are natural nurturers, and pampering and taking care of people feels like the right thing to do. But there is a difference between being a good host and being overbearing. Ask yourself what inner voice makes you feel so guilty when asking for help?
3) Don’t be a perfectionist.
Are you allowed to make mistakes in front of your family? God forbid the family sees you stumble at times. When you made a mistake did you identify yourself as a mistake? Mistakes are good, they are how you learn. And everybody makes them, so there’s no shame in them. In my book I explain the ways to silence your oppressive bully and give yourself the compassion you deserve.
4) Don’t become a wallflower.
When you return home do you to lose your voice and disappear with family members? If you have a very charismatic family, it is easy to lose yourself and blend into the background, especially if you only see your family a few times a year. Learn how to find your voice with others, get back your rights to share your feelings, and be heard by others.