Logo Horizontal

What I Wish I Knew 30 Years Ago

We all want to be happy. The fact that you are reading this article shows you are looking for ways to improve your life, create new opportunities and learn new skills to create a more meaningful life and find your ultimate purpose.

So many of us, including me at one time, are searching for the answers to make this happen. We read books, listen to podcasts, attend webinars and seminars and keep searching for that one flash of enlightenment to turn it all around and enable us to move forward and achieve our goals. We spend hours, weeks, months and years looking and waiting for it to come to us. 

I’m going to share something with you now that will fast track you there. When I learned this, my whole life shifted and the blinkers came off. It enabled me to transform my life and create an unstoppable momentum that I feel grateful for every day. 

What you are looking for is not outside of you. It is inside you already.

The good news is you have everything you need right now to do all of this. It’s right at your fingertips. You have the innate ability, maybe still in its rawest form, to achieve a fulfilling life with meaning and purpose, whatever that is for you. You control it all – it’s not outside of you, nobody else can give it to you, you are empowered to create the life you aspire to live. 

The next step is to accept the responsibility and the accountability that comes with this being in your hands and your hands alone, as well as the excitement and sense of adventure that comes with this potentially newfound freedom. Your focus now is to learn the skill sets, master the communication and take the actions needed to transform it into your reality.

The moment I realised this, the blinkers fell off. It gives you the power you need to turn your life around yourself, to unlock your true potential and create the opportunities you need to thrive. I’m not saying it’s easy and to be honest that is why so many people don’t do it. It’s definitely not the easy road or choice. 

What I know for sure is:

  • It takes guts, hard work, consistency and an ability to fail and learn from your mistakes over and over again. 
  • It takes a belief in yourself that is so deep rooted that it can’t be derailed by haters or it taking too long. 
  • It takes an energy fuelled by passion that comes from your heart, not just your mind. 
  • It takes a sense of purpose so intense that it feels like your reason for being.
  • It takes a clear vision of what you can achieve so visceral that you can feel it, see it, hear it, taste and smell it. 
  • It takes commitment and dedication to taking steps every day towards that vision to create an unstoppable momentum. 
  • It takes kindness, respect and compassion for everyone around you – this is non-negotiable at all times.

So many people ask me how I knew what my purpose was. To be honest, at first, I didn’t know, and I believe it evolved over time to become the driver it is today for me. In my earlier days I was  fascinated by the science behind personal development as a way to create a life I had always wanted. So, I immersed myself in becoming a self-help geek and learnt every tool, technique and strategy I could get my hands on. I tried them all out in my own life including my own emotions and challenges. It was important to me to walk my talk to see if it worked, if I could create the life I wanted to live by my own actions.

I asked myself every day, “If I could do something I really loved and be successful at it what would it be?” and then I would listen to the answers, jot them down and evaluate their potential. I generated a lot of answers that didn’t work for me, however, each time I got more clarity about what I could do and what I would like to be part of my life moving forward. If you’re not asking the question, then you could miss the answer that you are looking for. 

Now, I want to be clear about defining your vision and your purpose. Having a fulfilling and meaningful life is not about having an expensive lifestyle, huge wealth or flashy material goods. It really is not. Money does give you choices and options, but it does not come hand in hand with feeling fulfilled or true happiness. 

So, if this is what you set out to achieve you are making it much harder for yourself. I believe it needs to be much deeper than this. 

My passion early on was sharing these tools to help others create positive changes in their life, however, it was only when I was thrown into my own divorce that my purpose became so very clear to me. But it wasn’t instant… I went through a lot of pain, heartache, heartbreak and devastation. The fog and the overwhelm consumed me for weeks. 

I remember distinctly the exact moment my purpose became crystal clear to me. I was in Sydney, Australia for work. I had taken myself for a walk along Balmoral Beach – still to this day one of my favourite spots – beautiful sandy beach, sun sparkling off the sea, kids playing happily, cockatoos landing at my feet as I sat and watched the world go by. It was a little slice of calm in the mad torment in my mind.

I felt a sense of peace descend on me and I asked myself the question, “what is the bigger reason why I am dealing with this right now? This pain cannot just be for me to bear, work through and carry on with life…. It has to be for a bigger reason.” And that’s when the clarity came to me that I needed to find a way through this to help me and my son, but also to help everyone else who has to face this in their lives.

And from this moment on, I never looked back… My purpose was born – I was on a mission to help as many people around the world to cope better with any kind of breakup. And BOOM! I felt alive again, I had a reason to turn this pain into my superpower that was bigger than just me. It felt invigorating and as I stood up and wiped the sand from my toes my motto “Screw you … Watch this” was born!

This is when the hard work started as I had no idea how to get through a divorce or mend a broken heart. So, I spent weeks and months combining my coaching skills with my own personal relationship breakdown experience to create a tool kit that worked. I tried and tested every tool on myself and tweaked away until I knew it successfully dialled down those negative emotions, and created a structured pathway through that I could share with others.

I learned a really valuable lesson about purpose – if you can identify your pain point and learn to master it, survive it and even thrive with it, then this will become an unstoppable force in your life. You can take your pain and turn it into your greatest superpower. Not only will it propel you forward into a fulfilling and meaningful life – it will also enable you to help many thousands of people all over the world.

Success – however you define that – is not overnight. It may look like that to others looking in, however the years of learning, planning, thinking, mastering and banking the life lessons you are being taught are all part of the journey. 

Where you start is not where you will finish… but the important thing is to get started! Don’t wait until it is perfect to get going. Don’t let fear of failure hold you back. Embrace failure as learning opportunities that help you to finesse your next step. Dream big and go for it.

I started with just me doing one to one coaching. Then, I started group webinars to help more people. Then I founded my training school to teach how to become Breakup and Divorce Coaches so they could help me on my mission to reach more people. Then, I started my podcast Heartbreak to Happiness, which now has over 1 million downloads including celebrity guests from all over the world. Now, we support employees in businesses to cope better with breakup, divorce and domestic abuse all over the world as part of their employee well-being programmes.

All from sitting on Balmoral Beach, making one decision and taking massive action consistently to achieve my mission to create all that you see today.  One step at a time. 

I couldn’t do it without my incredible team and family support, as well as Toffee my puppy who is a huge hit on my Instagram! Surrounding yourself with people who you love and who love you too, who truly support you and want the best for you is essential. We can’t do this on our own. As human beings we need love and connection so focus on finding and nurturing your tribe along the way. Find communities of like-minded people who are on the same path as you and make sure you have people who truly inspire you in your life too. 

Remember, wherever you are on your journey, you have the power to create the life you deserve. Dream big and continue to shine your light brightly. I believe in you. You’ve got this!

For daily tips and videos visit Instagram: saradavisondivorcecoach

Sara Davison

Sara Davison, best known as ‘The Divorce Coach’ is a multi award-winning coach, twice best selling author and podcast host of Heartbreak to Happiness. Sara is also a global media commentator for TV and radio on breakups, divorce and domestic abuse. Following the launch of Sara’s Breakup & Divorce Coach Practitioner Accreditation Programmes in 2018, Sara founded The International Divorce Coach Centre Of Excellence, which now has a coaching community of over 500 Coaches, spanning 25 countries and five continents. Sara’s ‘Coaching Hub’ is the leading global provider of breakup, divorce and domestic abuse coaching support for businesses of all sizes as part of their employee wellbeing programme.

Or Share This Post!