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Conscious Uncoupling by Janet Murray



Had you heard of ‘conscious uncoupling’ before Gwyneth Paltrow used it to describe her split from her husband Chris Martin on her Goop website recently? Janet Murray bets you hadn’t.


Splitting up and getting divorced is one of those things in life that nobody expects. It can have a devastating impact on our family, our health, our career, our finances, and our self-esteem. For too many of us, it can feel as though we are battling through the process alone. Friends, family, even our lawyers can offer advice and comfort, but many still feel as though they are lacking the support and guidance they need.


Since divorce is a time when we really do need help, is conscious uncoupling something we should be considering when splitting up from our partner or embarking on a divorce?


First of all, what is conscious uncoupling? It does all sound a bit New Age-y doesn’t it? Can we mere mortal non-Hollywood film star/ international pop stars even hope to contemplate it or understand it?


Conscious uncoupling, in layman’s terms, is a deep examination on the part of the couple of the reasons for the relationship breakdown. Rather than focusing on blaming one’s partner, both participants take a reflective and conscious look at their own role in the breakdown of the relationship. This might feel quite challenging if you’ve just found out that your partner has been having an affair and been spending your joint money on Jimmy Choos or Rolex watches!


In the case of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, they were led by Dr. Habib Sadeghi and Dr. Sherry Sami’s understanding of conscious uncoupling:


“A conscious uncoupling”, the doctors say, “is the ability to understand that every irritation and argument was a signal to look inside ourselves and identify a negative internal object that needed healing. Because a present event always triggers pain from a past event, it’s never the current situation that needs the real fixing. It’s just the echo of an older emotional injury.


“From this perspective, there are no bad guys, just two people, each playing teacher and student respectively.”


The approach is designed to make the process one from which deep spiritual lessons can be gleaned and, of course, to make the split much more amicable than it might be otherwise. It demands a high degree of self-awareness and a great deal of courage from both participants, but delving into the parts of us that contribute to the breakdown of any relationship has the potential to make future relations with ex-partners much more manageable and, best of all, it can prevent us from making similar or identical mistakes in future relationships. Finger pointing and mud slinging shirks responsibility and, all too often, it leaves us blind to the lessons that are present in every relationship breakdown. For those who have experienced divorce, ‘closure’ is a word that was probably on your lips at some point in the process. Conscious uncoupling may be the chance to achieve closure in a dignified and self-reflective way.


More in-depth details and help from what questions to ask when choosing your lawyer, to how to put a co-parenting plan in place, and dealing with your finances through divorce, tips on how to look after yourself through divorce, how to get back into dating and find the right relationship next time and leave the past behind are all covered in Janet Murray’s online divorce support courses which will help you through each of these steps and help you take control of your divorce now.


If you are interested in finding out more about Janet Murray’s online divorce support courses, please click this link: http://haveapositivedivorce.com/


Janet Murray

Janet continues to consult individuals , and is retained as an ongoing consultant by many of her past clients for her rare blend of intuitive personal wisdom and hard-nosed strategic and operational nouse. Janet has a passion for inspiring and coaching young people and helping them to take the right direction with their lives as they set off in the world. Her “Headstart” coaching workshops gives young adults an extraordinary ‘headstart’and focus as they embark on their future away from home. A natural at training new entrepreneurs in the art of leadership,team building and communication, she’s also passionate about working with more established HNWI to optimize their lives, and to consider philanthropy as part of their portfolio of activities and investments, especially in the environmental arena. She herself was a trustee and treasurer of www.kaiskids.org and she regularly spent time in Cambodia working with the children still suffering from the absence of almost two generations of adults after the Khmer Rouge genocide. Through her work consulting and developing HNWI individuals and start-ups in the financial sector, Janet became increasingly aware of the extraordinary stress placed on individuals, their families and their businesses during marital breakdowns. As a result, she is now sought-out for her Divorce and Relationship Coaching, which combines practical advice with experienced support to make this painful life transition as transformational and positive as possible. Janet herself is divorced and co-parents two delightful teenage boys. She is the author of two e-books, ‘Essential Divorce Wisdom’ and ‘The New Single You” available on Amazon. An inspirational leader and communicator, Janet holds a BA in Business Studies from University of Manchester and a Professional Diploma in Marketing. She later trained in Neuro Linguistic Programming (the science of human change and motivation) under the personal tutelage of Richard Bandler, the Founder of NLP (who also trained Paul McKenna) and holds the highest level (Master) as an NLP Practitioner, and is certified in hypnotherapy. She continuously invests in her continued professional development as a change agent and has trained with both Joseph McClendon III and Anthony Robbins, two further world leaders in the field of Neuro-science and performance optimization. She is a member of the Institute of Leadership & Management and is constantly challenging herself and maximising her expertise in this field. Janet is personally mentored by Ali Campbell, considered by the profession to be one of the worlds very best NLP Practitioners, and is a personal coach trained by CTI (Coach Training Institute).

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